Singles’ Lane

By this time a few years ago,
I was getting married to a man who had steadily climbed up the ladder of my
heart. Lol! From someone whose name I had heard around, to a friend on the
phone, to just a friend, then a very good friend/he’s-a-brother-to-me, up again
to my best friend/fiancé and finally becoming my husband. Whew! It was indeed a
journey but a great love story though *winks*. I will definitely share it here
Just thinking about the
journey to the altar, which by the way continues for life, has spurred me to
speak to the singles today. I’ve put together a few things I learned over the
years, from my own experiences and other’s. They helped me then and still do. I
hope they would also be of use to you. So sit down and fasten your seat belts!
1.    It is never too early to start
When I was about 19years old,
I became friends with a very special lady and one day, she asked how long I had
been praying for my husband. I was like; ‘do you know how old I am ma?’ She
said she did. ‘Then why would I be praying for him now?’ I asked. Praying for
him or her is never too early. You may not know who or where he/she is but
whatever action he/she is taking now, is going to affect his/her future (good
or bad) and you are part of that future. Pray for him/her, his/her walk with God,
growth, finances, family (when they see me, they will love me!), health,
future, character and that when the time is right, God should bring him/her to
2.    Waiting will not kill you
No, it will not. It cannot.
You need to understand that God’s plan for your life is better than the one you
have for yourself. As long as you are in His will, you are in the right place.
Leaving the place of waiting before time (God’s), could in fact destroy your
destiny. Wait I say on Him. Though he/she tarries, wait. For how long you ask?
Honestly, I don’t know, I can’t say. But what I know for sure is that all who
have genuinely waited on Him have come back with a testimony. Waiting for sure is
not wasting!
3.    Be the right person
While waiting, you need to
work on yourself and allow the Holy Spirit work on you. ‘Oh, I’m waiting for
Mr. Right.’ Said, Miss Wrong. Allow me to tell you the truth please, Mr. Right
is never gonna marry Miss Wrong. Having spent time working on himself, he isn’t
going to settle for anything less and vice versa; No matter how beautiful/handsome
you are or how well you speak Queen’s English. Work on yourself! Be a praying
woman/man. Have the right attitude. Tame that quick tongue. Learn to control
that temper. Get something doing. Dress well. Learn a skill. Develop your
talents. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you become the woman/man you need to be.
4.    There’s more to marriage than
Shocked? Oh, yes! You are not
going to wake up every morning, like they do in the movies, looking into his/her
eyes and saying ‘I love you baby,’ then he/she will reply, ‘no, I love you more’
and you will say ‘no, it’s me, I love you yet more.’ Wake up! There’s got to be
understanding, respect, self-control, forgiveness, tolerance, there are going
to be days you will wonder how you ended up with ‘this man’ or ‘that woman’ and
wish you could ‘opt out’ and that’s where everything you have developed within you
will strengthen you and when all else fails, the Holy Spirit will not fail.
NB- This in no way undermines
the place of love in marriage. You should be in love with whoever you want to
marry. However, love is not all it takes.
5.    Born again and God-fearing
As a child of God, your life
partner must be born again. Not just singing in the choir and involved in all
the Church activities. Be sure he/she has a personal salvation experience! Can
two walk together except they be agreed? Yes, I know that recently, we have
people who pretend that they are of Christ; that is why you must be in tune
with the Holy Spirit. He will nudge you in the right direction. His/her love
for God should be evident. A man would not cheat on you not because you are beautiful,
a good cook or a vixen in bed, but because he fears God and values his
consecration. And I know that there are still faithful men; just as I am
convinced that there are still virtuous women. Don’t settle for the ‘men will
always cheat’ nonsense. Even some guys have taken that to heart now. ‘That’s
how I am, I am a man. Men always cheat.’ That is a lie from the pit of hell.
6.    Stand on your two feet
Standing on one foot is
possible, though not comfortable and lasting. Your two feet here represent –
told me.
love him.
God, in the
sense that I’ve prayed about it and I’m sure that I have God’s leading. And
love as in, I love this person. I am in love. You know, sometimes we hurt one
leg and during that period, we sort of place our weight on the good leg; same
thing happens in marriage, sometimes we are so hurt by our spouse and we can’t even
say we love him/her again. During that time, you stand on one leg, which Is
God; knowing that God’s hand is in this thing and I have His backing.  Until such a time you work out your
differences and can stand on both legs. At other times, you wonder and perhaps
doubt if God ‘sent you’, at those times you stand on the fact that you love him/her.
So that at all times, you are standing!  I always say, don’t just tell God about him/her,
ask God about him/her. Sometimes we have gone too far with our hearts and we
are afraid to ask God in case He says, ‘no, he/she isn’t right for you’.
N/B- Ehm guys,
this in no way means that the words, “God said you are my wife,” should be
anywhere in your marriage proposal. That may have worked years ago but
presently, nah… Come on! You can do better.
7.    Don’t go in with a mind to get
Please whatever you do, do not
get into marriage thinking, ‘after all, if it’s not ok for me, I can get a
divorce’. Spend all the time now making sure. If he/she displays any sign of
uncontrolled anger, won’t listen or take advise from you, or anybody even his/her
parents about anything, or hits you in the form of a tiny, weeny slap, please
leave. There are so many warning signs, if only you open your eyes and are not
‘blinded’ by love. You shouldn’t stay there saying, ‘I will change him/her’.
That’s not your work, honey. You can’t change anybody. That’s for God to do.
Any ‘change’ that doesn’t come from God’s touch on a man’s heart is not
genuine. The man/woman may even pretend that he/she has ‘changed’ just to get
you. Only God can change a heart of stone to flesh. Still talking about change,
I personally believe that if for example, you like a girl with natural hair,
marry that kind of girl. Do not marry the one who loves to braid and from
nowhere, later on during marriage, you ‘order’ her to cut off her hair and keep
it natural. You should at least have had the courtesy to tell her your
convictions before marriage and if she’s ok with it, fine. Same also applies to
the ladies!
8.    You are Royalty  
shouldn’t forget who your Father is and what he demands of you. No relationship
should cost you your consecration. Do. Not. Have. Sex. With. Him/Her. Proverbs 6:27 Can a man take fire in his bosom, And his
clothes not be burned?
By God’s grace, you will have more
than 50years to have sex. Wait for that time. And before you start boasting
that you are still a virgin (male or female, by the way), be reminded that
virginity is not the same as purity. 
Don’t do anything that quite resembles ‘it’, while ‘protecting your
virginity’. You answer to God. Can He vouch for you? If he/she insists on
sleeping with you before marriage for whatever reasons, he/she is not for you. He/She
does not care about your walk with God nor your going to heaven! Flee.
9.    You may not know him/her 100%
Well, yeah. I don’t think it’s
possible to know the person 100% before you get married. Ask couples who have
been there for decades; they are still learning about each other. That’s part
of the ‘fun’, discovering new and wonderful things. You could also ask around
about him; who are his friends? Who is his family? That would help. ‘But how do
I know if he is not impotent and good in bed?’ Well, how does he know that
about you too? ‘Wedding night sex’ isn’t going to be the best ever by the way.
It may be awkward and all of that but it’s a memorable thing; the first of many
with him/her. It will get better and better. 
Trust God whom you consecrated yourself to. He makes all things
beautiful in His time.
10. The wedding is for a day,
marriage a lifetime
While planning for the wedding,
spend more time planning and praying about the marriage. While spending on the
wedding, save up something for the marriage. While praying for the wedding,
pray for the marriage.
Whew! We could go on and on. I
hope you got one or two things from this. I pray that the Holy Spirit will also
teach you all you need to know. Love is a beautiful thing, marriage is too. And
yes, singlehood is too! Enjoy every minute of it while it’s still here. God’s
grace as you become the right person and find your Mr/Miss  Right!
Will be praying for you as
always. Please feel free to send an email I will definitely get back to
In His love,

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  1. Avatar Edim May 1, 2014 at 9:14 am

    Its been a few months i summoned up the courage and strength to leave a 'wrong' relationship. Am glad i am still single. i'm rediscovering me, enjoying bn single and most esp the wait! shortly after i started the wait, i began to fell this joy that i can't xplain then i hurt 2 think that i deliberately denied myself of this joy wen i took that wrong step (waiting on the inside not on the outside- managing a relationship that should't have bn).

    1. Avatar Onose Adeleye Inno May 5, 2014 at 5:18 pm

      Thank u for sharing Edim. God bless and settle u!
      N/B SINGLES!!! Staying in a wrong relationship for a hundred years will never make it right. when u are ready, you will eventually leave and allow God lead u to where u are supposed to be. unfortunately, you would have wasted so many years. obedience is better than sacrifice!

  2. Avatar Anonymous May 1, 2014 at 12:33 pm

    Must say i'm impressed with this blog,particularly with the contemporary and genuine topics discussed here,some stuff we ain't opportuned to talk about in church and fellowships..
    more grace Onose my Friend.

    1. Avatar Onose Adeleye Inno May 5, 2014 at 5:19 pm

      Amen! Thank u so much. As God gives grace, we will continue speaking frankly!

  3. Avatar Akpabio A. A. May 2, 2014 at 6:23 am

    Well said Onose. Its such a blessing I read it twice& saved the webpage. Please keep up the good work……..many thanks

    1. Avatar Onose Adeleye Inno May 5, 2014 at 5:20 pm

      Awwwww, Akpabio, God bless u! so, so, glad you were blessed. God be praised. Thank u so much.

  4. Avatar IhuomaChidire May 7, 2014 at 9:22 am

    My exams sure did deny me learning this secrets earlier than now. Funny, I've be praying for him without knowing him. But I I'ud rather now begin to ask God abt him rather than keep telling Him abt him.
    God bless you so much Mama.

    1. Avatar Onose Adeleye Inno May 7, 2014 at 10:15 am

      Amen. Good to have u around again Ihuoma. I hope your exams went well. God will grant u good success. Will be praying for u and of course, ur future!… #bighug

  5. Avatar Anonymous May 22, 2014 at 10:07 am

    hmmmmmmm Onose thanks….. May the lord grant u more grace. wil do well to pass some of d info on. tops


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