Q & A

Hi there. I’m so
sorry I’ve not been as regular as I would want to. I promise to do better God
helping me.
So, after the
‘Singles’ Lane’ post and over time, I’ve received questions pertaining to
relationships. I replied all of them and today, I’ve tried to also answer a few
on the blog.
Some questions like…
1.     How
do I know he/she is the right person?
2.     What
do I do so that he/she won’t cheat on me?
3.     Is
it ok to marry a morally upright person even if he isn’t born again?
4.     How
do I know if he is serious about me?
…have already been dealt
with directly or indirectly in some of our posts. Do well to look them up
please, as I would provide the links at the bottom of the page.
Alright, Q & A
it is!

1.    
What do I do? There’s this guy,
God told me he’s my husband and my Pastor confirmed it but he is getting
married to someone else.
Ok,
I hear this a lot. In fact, too much. ‘God said’… very weighty, two words. I
need you to be very sure. Did God speak explicitly? Preferably not in a dream
where you both were standing under an umbrella, while it was raining cats and
dogs outside. You know, sometimes our minds interpret simple, meaningless
gestures into what we want them to be. We say ‘Lord, if you have really said
so, show me a sign’ and the next day, the brother helps you open the door
because your hands were full and your take that as your sign from the Lord.
Girl, seriously? Love you see, cannot be forced. Some sisters have gone as far
as trying to (and some have succeeded too) break the guy’s relationship and get
in. God has never been and will never be the author of confusion and pain. If
you are certain God said, then your prayer should be, ‘Lord please speak to him
too, please tell him that I’m his wife.’ And God answers prayers. Secondly, the
reason why the veil in the temple was torn into two at Christ’s death is so
that you and I could have free access without a human intermediary. Please make
use of the free access. Ask God. Don’t get me wrong. Your Pastor can pray for
you, that’s ok but you need to also hear God by yourself for yourself!
2.    
How do I forgive and forget the
hurt I’ve been through?
Hey
dear, first of all, I’m so sorry you had to go through whatever it is you went
through. Big hug. But that was in the past. You need to let go in order to move
forward. For your peace of mind, your sanity and your walk with God, please
forgive him/her. Pray about it. Say aloud ‘I forgive you… I let you go.’ It is
a process and by God’s grace it will be a thing of the past. Then the forget
aspect isn’t possible as it were. Did I shock you? Yeah. Being human, you have
a memory and you remember things but the issue is the way you feel when you
remember. If truly you have forgiven, when it comes to mind, the hurt and the anger
won’t be there anymore. Do not let someone who has long gone affect your future
relationships… let go and let God. Your best days are definitely still ahead.
3.    
Can I open a joint account, buy
a piece of land or start a business with my boyfriend?
Boyfriend?
To answer the question, I think I need a definition/clarification of the
word.     That been said, I have faith… lots and
lots of it by God’s grace but I always like to say, nothing is irrevocably certain
until you say ‘I do’. Too much drama and mess have come from issues like this.
So what if you go apart for whatever reasons, what happens? How would the
financials be separated? But wait a minute, if you have enough money to do all
of the above, why don’t you just go ahead and get married first and then the ‘joint
things’ can come afterwards? I mean, what’s the rush to start something
together?
4.    
Presently, he doesn’t have a
job but he has potential. Can I marry him?
I
don’t have anything against potential but I believe strongly that potential
should be visible. We have been hearing you talk about the potential but you
really should get tired of saying it. We need to see it. What are you doing
while waiting for a job? How are you making money and how do you intend to
provide for your wife? Yes, she has a job but is your plan to live off her
forever? Women want security. She needs to know that she would be secure with
you. Don’t get me wrong. There is a difference between a man who is hardworking
and searching for a job and one who is lazy and loves to bask in the ‘I claim
it’ mentality. Don’t go shouting, ‘Women are bad. They like money too much.’
Well some women have become that way from watching other women suffer from
‘potential-full’ men. She’s not only thinking about herself by the way. She is
also thinking about her kids. Get up from that couch, get something doing.
Potential to me, has to be a verb! And a verb, is an action word…
                        P.S. This is in no way
belittling humble beginnings.
5.    
How will I know he/she is good
in bed if I don’t sleep with him/her before marriage?
Seriously?
I don’t think there’s any way you would know but like I always say, he is also
asking same about you. I don’t mean to sound spiritual right now, but the truth
is, you need to trust God. Marriage by God’s grace is for a life time and as
God gives grace, you get better at it. Wedding night sex won’t be the best of
your life. I believe there was a first time for everyone and the ones who are
‘good’ at it got better with time. So with your spouse, it can’t be different. Besides,
so if you ‘test’ James now and he is not ‘good enough’, do you leave him and go
ahead to ‘test’ John? So, how many are you willing to test before you find the
‘good’ one? The Holy Spirit will teach ALL things. You just tell Him what
aspect of your life you need to be taught. He will come through for you.
6.    
If my parents say no, what do I
do?
This
is a dicey one. I think it all depends on the reason why they are saying no. You
need to be patient and hear them out first. Sometimes, it is for a flimsy
excuse like ‘his ancestors did not share their palm kernels’, you need to talk
with them on that one. He is not his ancestors and he is ready to share his palm
kernels. LOL. Other times, it’s for far more serious issues like genotype or
other forms of hereditary illnesses or maybe something deeply spiritual. At
that point, I would like you to pause and realize that your parents do not hate
you. They want the best for you. Go back to God in prayers. Ask Him for His
help. Listen to Him. You can get a few friends praying too. I wouldn’t like you
to dismiss your parents’ fears and jump in. I would rather you work through
them. Like I said, it really depends on why they are saying no. You could send
me a mail and we can put our heads together please.
Whew! That will be
all for today. I’m glad you were blessed. You can always send me a mail ornorsay@gmail.com
Always glad to read from you or we can continue the Q and A in the comments.
The links as
promised:
God bless y’all.

Onose.
(Visited 8 times, 1 visits today)

13 Comments

  1. Avatar Anonymous July 30, 2014 at 7:38 pm

    Spot on! Thank u for the insight ma. About the joint account and joint business thing, I've just never understood the rationale behind it. God help us all. Amen

    Reply
  2. Avatar Anonymous August 1, 2014 at 9:15 am

    Okay.. thank u so much for these questions nd answers, it has surely helped me

    Reply
  3. Avatar Anonymous August 1, 2014 at 9:18 am

    I have one to add pls.. can a lady who is convinced that some guy is right for her go ahead and make the first move. Is this morallu or spiritually wrong cos I have heard of unions that started like this.

    Reply
    1. Avatar Onose Adeleye Inno August 5, 2014 at 8:37 pm

      Well, i'm not saying its morally or spiritually wrong. But I won't advise any of my friends to do it.. According to a friend of mine…"He that findeth a wife…" I still maintain that you ask God to also tell him; to reveal you to him as his wife! In future during a squabble, you just may hear "after all, i was on my own when you came to propose to me that God sent you." Let everything be done in order. You could even make friends with him, chat him up etc … But he too will have to hear from God.. I hope with these few points of mine….

      Reply
  4. Avatar Anonymous August 1, 2014 at 1:13 pm

    Question pls. I've been trying to stop having sex wt my fiance. How do i stop? i know its wrrong.,

    Reply
    1. Avatar Onose Adeleye Inno August 5, 2014 at 8:45 pm

      You just stop my sister. You say, I'm not going to continue sinning against God. Ask God for help and strength. Recognize that you are actually fighting a battle and take it seriously. Stop meeting in private places… when you meet, open the door down. Avoid discussions that lead to physical intimacy. Stop the kissing, fondling, touching…. if you have a senior friend you can trust, try to be accountable to the person… i hope this helps. Sin shall no longer have rule over you.. You are free in Jesus' name!

      Reply
    2. Avatar Imafidor Jane August 6, 2014 at 8:51 pm

      Hello dear, reiterating Onose' lines: you just stop dear sister!
      …start running-never quit! No extra fat, NO PARASITIC Sins…Hebrews 12.

      Its no sin you've got some chemistry or form of attraction, its normal but should be put in check. True love waits! Be true to yourself and ask God for help.
      Sin thrives best in secrecy, be accountable to someone you can trust.
      Declare daily that you are strong and you can overcome any temptation.
      Declare your body is the temple of the living God and by the help of His Spirit you can put your body under and wait till marriage.

      Reply
    3. Avatar Onose Adeleye Inno August 7, 2014 at 10:42 am

      Thank you Jane… Indeed sin thrives in secrecy! God bless you.

      Reply
  5. Avatar Anonymous August 1, 2014 at 1:19 pm

    Hi, Onose. Love, love, love your blog. I see ladies in relationships, washing the guy's clothes, cooking for him, going to market. helping around during family functions, scrubbing the floors on saturdays. Pls watz ur take on these? Kate.

    Reply
    1. Avatar Onose Adeleye Inno August 5, 2014 at 8:49 pm

      Hi Kate, thanks for the love. Yeah, my 'take' is simple. STOP it. Is it necessary? Why are you doing it? Trying to help? Well to me if you really want to help the 'helpless', you can go and volunteer in a less-privileged home and help with the chores honestly and if you are thinking all of these endear you to the man, think again. of course, he enjoys all of your 'help' but that won't influence his decision when it comes to his deciding who to spend the rest of his life with!

      Reply
  6. Avatar Anonymous August 1, 2014 at 9:07 pm

    Pls how far is too far in physical intimacy while dating/courting? holding hands? kissing? where do we stop?

    Reply
  7. Avatar Jay August 1, 2014 at 9:09 pm

    You mentioned the genotype issue. wat if God says go and ahead and marry the lady even if both of you are AS?

    Reply
  8. Avatar DimDim August 2, 2014 at 8:15 pm

    Question two: Hmmm! Truth is until u disconnect from the person u cannot find true happiness. Once you have disconnected from the person u connect to the one who owns you and love him, transfer all those attention to him and sweetie sooner u will begin to feel light. And yes the hurt doesn't just go away it lingers tho' for a while then u will be fine. Let God now lead u to the right man with your head on your shoulders. U will b fine dear the pain won't sure last forever, it will come to pass.

    Reply

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